Meeting Anxiety

I was 16 the first time I had an anxiety attack. I was driving home, late, when my mom called to see where I was. The noise of the phone ringing, triggered an overwhelming feeling of terror. My heart started beating faster and faster. My brain became foggy and I couldn’t think straight. Over the next 5 minutes I would scream at my windshield, cry hysterically, and beg the phone to stop ringing. My reaction was amplified by 100 as my brain tried to warn me of  a danger that didn’t exist. I was only a couple minutes late getting home.

I remember thinking that I over reacted. I remember thinking that I was out of control. I remember thinking I wish I knew how to be in control. The reality was that my first anxiety attack I wouldn’t recognize as an anxiety attack for 16 years. I would stumble through life, wondering why I could never gather my thoughts. I would wonder if I could ever get on the right path. I just couldn’t seem to get a grip.

Over the last 16 years, 100’s of attacks later, broken relationships, un-met goals, and dreams I had given up on I have found out that having a choice to change your life doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to make a decision.

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