Today I saw a post from a friend that had a picture of a forest and said “antidepressant” and a picture of pills and said “poison”.

*eye roll*

In 2012, I thought I had my anxiety and depression under control. I was working out, hiking, doing all the “right” things. Instead of healing, I was displacing those behaviors and drives into binge eating and then furiously working out to “punish” myself. I was thinner, I seemed happier to people… but MY ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION WAS NEVER ADDRESSED.

Knowing what I know now, posts like these make me cringe. Anxiety and depression are NOT LINEAR. One more time for the people in the back… ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION IS NOT LINEAR. A walk in the forest may make you feel better. You may do it everyday and it may make you feel better everyday but that one simple thing will not help heal, and perpetuating the idea that it will is harmful.

With that being said, it’s important to know that medication is only part of the solution as well. I have tried a myriad of anti anxiety medications that all have side effects that make them worse, FOR ME. However, I have found an anti depressant that alleviates some symptoms, and makes my day more manageable, so I can actively pursue other steps to help myself heal.

I spent a long time thinking medicine wasn’t part of my plan. It may not be part of yours, but it’s so important to know that taking a step back to become more self aware is always key in healing.

Today, I do take medicine. I spend time doing things that are meaningful to me. I try to disconnect and focus on family and friends. I spend time learning how to be more empathetic. I work daily on changing my self talk. I see a doctor. I discuss things with people. I rest when I’m tired. I don’t push myself past my limits. I don’t try to be “the busiest mom in my circle”. I say no.

Take time to understand your feelings. Take time to understand how they are manifesting. Take to time address the “why” and it will help provide a path to better.

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